TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
- Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
- Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
- You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
- There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
- Big rock between you and B.C.
- Ottawa who?
- Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.
- You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
- You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
- The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
- You never run out of wheat.
- Your province is really easy to draw.
- You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
- People will assume you live on a farm.
- Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
- You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
- Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
- Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
- You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
- You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
- You live in the centre of the universe.
- Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
- You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
- The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
- Racism is socially acceptable.
- You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
- Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
- You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
- One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
- You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
- No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick ..
- Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
- Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
- You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
- You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
- Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.
- You can walk across the province in half an hour.
- You can drive across the province in two minutes.
- Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
- This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
- You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
- If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
- If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
- The workday is about two hours long.
- It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.
Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then enjoy a good chuckle.
Let's face it: Canadians are a rare breed.
The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
・ Californians shiver uncontrollably.
・ Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
・ Italian Cars won't start
・ Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0° C)
・ American water freezes
・ Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
・ New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
・ Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
・ Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
・ Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.