Actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears Hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like other soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of box) Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive or operate machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.